Firstly let me just express how sorry I am for all your losses and a big thank you for setting this online support up for those suffering losses. My name is Claire I am now 51 and my first pregnancy was textbook my son was 10 days late but on time according to my dates in my period diary! The labour well I went to the hospital when I was 5cms dilated and my way of dealing with pain and it was back pain was to sleep and sleep is what I did! Poor hubby was the one awake all night while I snored my head off. I vaguely remember being told to push but I though I was dreaming. My hubby and the midwife woke me telling me to look, you have a boy and all I remember were these large hands he had waving about! Any how he was a healthy boy 7lb 4oz this was in 1988. After I bled for some 16 weeks and never was asked to be checked out down below by my drafter for my post natal examination, I never had a post natal check even though I did see the dr several times as I developed mastitis and even when my son went from breast to soya milk never once was I asked to come and see a dr for a check up. Years on I realise this may have saved all the heartache I was then to suffer. When my son was a year old on Christmas day I started to miscarry It was a horrendous time as we had moved area and the army were dealing with ambulance trips (I think they were on strike or something like that) We were very rural in Herefordshire and I was admitted to a ward that was basically a geriatric type of ward as the gynae ward was shut on Christmas day. On Boxing day I was taken down to theatre for a D&C as they told me there was no heart beat. It was dreadful as when I was back on the gynae ward that had then opened there were ladies having terminations and hysterectomy's and other gynae ops. I never felt so alone and so scared in my life. I was there a few days and the pain had just got worse and worse so I was rescanned and taken back down to have yet another D&C. On the ward you could hear babies crying as opposite the maternity ward (just to add insult to injury) I remember having a melt down in the toilets sopping and a nurse ask what ever was I crying about? I was told not to be so silly and to pull myself together! Well come the new year the pain was still just as bad as too the bleeding so I was re admitted and a laparotomy (think that is what is is called) and then discharged 4 days later. I then went on to have an ectopic a year later and at the same time on the opposite side ovarian cysts (that I knew nothing about until then) ruptured I then guessed it was ectopic by the one sided pain and the severity of the pain I honestly did think I was going to die. Back then with emergency ectopics you were just slit open like a C-section. When I was scanned there was an empty pregnancy sac but it was an ectopic and the cysts. I was on the ward 10 days and it really was hell. It took a good 6 months to recover from that and it seemed that every time we did it I got caught pregnant! I so much wanted a big family as I loved babies and children but it was not to be. In my late 30's I demanded to have tests etc but after surgery was just told my one tube was blocked and so badly damaged with scaring and a double whammy hubby was then told his sperm well they were lucky to find one live one so both of us were then infertile so we gave up.. I am now 51 and from my 20's when I had my first loss up until being told I was infertile never once were we given support of help to deal with this emotionally which I find very sad. Nobody would visit with babies apart from one old neighbour who was just natural with me and her kids. It is odd how many ladies will suddenly avoid seeing you or even letting you near their kids/babies. Also when it comes to the medical profession their attitude towards anyone who has had a loss, well it certainly needs changing. When I went to have my stitches out after the ectopic the lady dr gave me a lecture about there being far too many children in the world and nature was doing me a favour!! She may be dead and gone now but her hurtful words still stay with me nearly 30 years on. I understand that nature has its way of dealing with abnormalities so a lady will suffer a loss but more needs to be done test wise * I hope this is not a trigger for anyone recently suffering a loss if this may be the case keep scrolling by * dr need to have all pads etc examined to try and establish a cause for the loss which I feel would certainly have helped me or even a gynae seeing you straight away to try and establish what is going wrong and what could be done to stop further losses/Sadly I am a widow of 7 years but it was only before hubby passed that I realised that I am RH+and he was RH- s that too may have been a cause and also hubbys first wife kept having losses and they both had a still born which must have screwed them both up mentally when I heard how they were only allowed to spend an hour with their son before her was taken off to the mortuary., but this was never looked in to or questioned. The older I get the more I now learn that there are things drs over the years failed to do which may have helped hubby and myself and saved us both the heartache of 10 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. However I will always be thankful I have a son who is nearly 31 and that is more than some will ever have. I also think that if medics can establish that you will never carry full term or past a certain length then more could be done to help couples to adopt and foster as there are way too many children who are not living in an environment where they can grow and reach full potential. Far too many children are stuck in the care system. I really do hope things have changed when you suffer a loss. The only thing I have is my hospital wrist bands from every D&CI had and the pregnancy test report from the chemist that is all I have. Even I had a picture of a scan like many do these days that would have helped me tremendously with this life long grieving that I have to deal with. I encourage any lady that has suffered a loss to keep wristband, anything to do with the loss to put in a memory box and never to forget their angel baby and to find support groups to talk openly to others about their feelings their self hate and blame for their loss and even trying to get intimate after and the way others act towards them after their loss. Also to remember partners too as they tend to be left out and the other half have feeling too. Thank you for setting this group up and I hope you all can find each other experiences a help. I am way past it now suffering the menopause but hell I am still so very broody at 51!! I can't wait to be a granny. Love to you all and be kind to yourselves Claire x